Amber L. Carter
Writer. Professional Intuitive. International Fashion Model.
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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 Episode 7: Welcome to St. Cry!

Welcome to Episode 7 of The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, and You!

This week we find Sean and the girls on the tropical island of St. Cry Croix, where dates both boring and more boring happen among the bikinis and crying!

Ready? More after the jump!

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 E6: How 'Bout Some Dates With Death, Eh?

Welcome to Episode 6 of The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, and You! This is also the second part of a marathon two-episode week of The Bachelor. You may have wondered, "Why would they do that? Why would they gives us Bachelor goodness twice this week?" and then you tuned in at the regular time and realized, "OH! ABC is going to force me to watch a cooking show at the regular time so they can scoop up some Bachelor ratings before the real main event starts at 8! Fuck you, ABC!"

Because seriously. Cooking competitions. Who cares, right?

Anyway! The kids are in Canada, and people almost die. 

More stories of how the producers are on a quest to kill all the girls in the most stunningly painful ways possible after the jump!

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Amber Carter
[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 E5: Love Lift Us Up Where We Don't Belong

Welcome to the first of the most dramatic/exciting/epic two-episode event yet of The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, and You!

This week we're not only taken to new heights in love and drama, but also to new heights in helicopters and insanity. 

Strap in your seat belt after the jump! 

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[The Space You Take] Chapt. 1: Something Always Breaking Us In Two, Part 1

“OI! OI! OI! Oi!”

“See me riiiide out of the sunset!” Grayson sang. “On yourrrr…color TV screen!”

“Out for all that I can get! If ya know what I mean!”

“Me singing by myself this time!” Grayson yelled over the music.

“Alright, do it!” I mock-yelled back. 

“Ain’t got no gun, ain’t got no knife, don’t you start no fight!”

“Cause I’m T-N-T! I’m dyno-mite! T-N-T-” 

“NO, Amber! ME singing!” 

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor', S17 E4: A Slow Dance For No One

Welcome to the fourth episode of The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, & You! 

Last night, mountains were climbed, the divide between Muslims and Christians got a little smaller thanks to quality reality programming, a Bachelor producer got fired for coming up with a horrible, horrible idea for a group date, and a redux of Pretty Woman turned out pretty much the exact opposite way of how the real story should turn out.

Ready to get beat down by love? Then make the jump once again into this amazing journey!

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[The Space You Take] Chapt. 1: Something Always Breaking Us In Two, Prelude

The sky looked like dread. 

Sliding my hands over the studded arch of the tan leather steering wheel, I stared out at the sky from under heavy lids and tried to shove that thought from my mind. I used to love coming up with descriptions like that - hey, look how clever I am, did you know I secretly wanna to be a writer? - but now, thoughts like that were needling, annoying…like being reminded of a bill you had to pay, or an apology you still needed to make.

So I resented the thought.

Almost, but not as much, as I resented that sky. 

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 E3: It’s All Confetti & Bikinis Until Everyone Starts Crying!

There’s confetti. There’s kissing. There’s bikinis. There’s crying. There are necks that look like they were broken, but weren’t. There are cardinal rules that look like they were broken, and DEFINITELY were. There’s champagne on hotel rooftops, there’s champagne by a pool, and there’s champagne in an amusement park. And then there’s more crying.

It’s AWESOME.

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 E2: The Most Undramatic Rose Ceremony EVER!

Welcome to the second episode of The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, and You! Thanks for joining us on this amazing journey, everybody.

On this part of The Amazing Journey, we are taken in a helicopter to a dare date…then to a photo shoot group date, and then we cap it off with a little champagne and hot tub action, and round it out with some roses.

Let’s review – helicopters, dare date, photo shoot group date, champagne and hot tubs…yep! This is The Bachelor.

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 E1: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, & You!

Well, kids, it's that time of year again...time to pop open the white wine, fire up the hot tub, and crank up those unrealistic expectations of what real love looks, feels, and acts like!

The Bachelor is back!

This season, on The Bachelor: Sean Loves Jesus, Texas, & You, we'll be taking a journey into the heart of this Golden Texas Boy as we ask the question: Will Sean find true love? And do we care as much as we do about him taking off his shirt some more?

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[Bachelor Monday Rewind] 'The Bachelor' S17 Intro: The Original Virgin Bachelor

If this show was about meeting someone whom you could see yourself dating for the next four years because you’re not quite ready to settle down yet, then…then nothing. None of us would f*cking watch that show. And also I’m going to start suing every single Bachelor and Bachelorette who does that to us, because that’s actually fraud and I didn’t just give you three hours out of my Monday nights for months just for you to take it slow.

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A Very Carter Christmas: Hallmark's "Return To Christmas Creek"

Welcome to the A Very Carter Christmas version of Return To Christmas Creek!

Our adventure in schmaltz opens up by giving tribute to the true star of any RomCom, Christmas or otherwise: A bustling city full of people! This time it happens to be Chicago, as identified by a snowy Navy Pier and a cab driver yelling “LOU MALNATIS IS THE BEST DEEP DISH!” to a bunch of unsuspecting pedestrians standing outside Gino’s East.

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Throwback Thursday: My Friends Are Real Jerks

So a couple of Saturdays ago I had a tiny little housewarming party at my new apartment (I’m really tempted to call it “my new space” but then I feel like I would just involuntarily throw up all the over the place). In setting up the apartment and while in the process of getting ready for said party, I had hung a whiteboard in my kitchen and had added the following items to my To Do List –

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Throwback Thursday: Coffeeshop Horror Shop
Originally posted April 18, 2012: 

Whenever I’m in a coffeeshop with my ear buds in and I’m writing stuff on social networks, I get this super paranoid fear that I’m actually talking out loud and just can’t hear myself because my ears are filled with music. Because I actually do that, at home. The talking out loud thing. If something’s funny or if I’m writing something that might be funny, I reflexively laugh to myself and repeat the funny thing out loud. “Ha ha ha! ‘And then he said, “Unicorns.” HO HO HO HA HA HA!”

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 3: The Bachelor Version of Glow, Lauren Didn't Have Arie at Merlot, a Carnival Dog Show, & #Justice4Bibiana, Yo!

Welcome back, Bachelor Lovers! It's Week 3 in the Bachelor House, and this week did not disappoint: We're talking wrestling; tears; vineyards; tears; a dog show; more tears; and another cocktail party/rose ceremony and so many tears! 

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 2: Becca Goes To Prom, Krystal Looks Like Arie's Mom, & Bibana Explodes Like a Bomb!

Somewhere in a blue California sky, a hawk blinks as a man throws a leg over a motorcycle, slips on a pair of sunglasses, and gratuitously guns the engine. Who could this man be? Oh, it's ARIE, who not only drives race cars and regular cars but ALSO motorcycles! Is there anything this man can't do, besides form a healthy, intimate long-term relationship with another person without the help of network television? 

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 1, Part 2: Arie's Pulse Is Soarin', Champagne Be Pourin', and a Limo Full of Laurens!

nd now it's (finally) the moment we've all been waiting for, lovers - the part in the show when the limos arrive and we immediately make judgements about a woman's intelligence, depth, and character based on the stupid gags she's been pushed to do by the producers! 

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