Amber L. Carter
Writer. Professional Intuitive. International Fashion Model.
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A Very Carter Christmas: Hallmark's "Return To Christmas Creek"

Welcome to the A Very Carter Christmas version of Return To Christmas Creek!

Our adventure in schmaltz opens up by giving tribute to the true star of any RomCom, Christmas or otherwise: A bustling city full of people! This time it happens to be Chicago, as identified by a snowy Navy Pier and a cab driver yelling “LOU MALNATIS IS THE BEST DEEP DISH!” to a bunch of unsuspecting pedestrians standing outside Gino’s East.

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Throwback Thursday: My Friends Are Real Jerks

So a couple of Saturdays ago I had a tiny little housewarming party at my new apartment (I’m really tempted to call it “my new space” but then I feel like I would just involuntarily throw up all the over the place). In setting up the apartment and while in the process of getting ready for said party, I had hung a whiteboard in my kitchen and had added the following items to my To Do List –

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Throwback Thursday: Coffeeshop Horror Shop
Originally posted April 18, 2012: 

Whenever I’m in a coffeeshop with my ear buds in and I’m writing stuff on social networks, I get this super paranoid fear that I’m actually talking out loud and just can’t hear myself because my ears are filled with music. Because I actually do that, at home. The talking out loud thing. If something’s funny or if I’m writing something that might be funny, I reflexively laugh to myself and repeat the funny thing out loud. “Ha ha ha! ‘And then he said, “Unicorns.” HO HO HO HA HA HA!”

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 3: The Bachelor Version of Glow, Lauren Didn't Have Arie at Merlot, a Carnival Dog Show, & #Justice4Bibiana, Yo!

Welcome back, Bachelor Lovers! It's Week 3 in the Bachelor House, and this week did not disappoint: We're talking wrestling; tears; vineyards; tears; a dog show; more tears; and another cocktail party/rose ceremony and so many tears! 

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 2: Becca Goes To Prom, Krystal Looks Like Arie's Mom, & Bibana Explodes Like a Bomb!

Somewhere in a blue California sky, a hawk blinks as a man throws a leg over a motorcycle, slips on a pair of sunglasses, and gratuitously guns the engine. Who could this man be? Oh, it's ARIE, who not only drives race cars and regular cars but ALSO motorcycles! Is there anything this man can't do, besides form a healthy, intimate long-term relationship with another person without the help of network television? 

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 1, Part 2: Arie's Pulse Is Soarin', Champagne Be Pourin', and a Limo Full of Laurens!

nd now it's (finally) the moment we've all been waiting for, lovers - the part in the show when the limos arrive and we immediately make judgements about a woman's intelligence, depth, and character based on the stupid gags she's been pushed to do by the producers! 

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'The Bachelor', Season 22, Episode 1, Part 1: Arie Goes For Rides, Chris Harrison Lied, and Let's Meet Some Child Brides!

The last time we saw Arie was five years ago, when he made it all the way to the end on Emily Maynard's season, which just so happened to be the very first season I started recapping the show (after watching the show from the very first season, I finally couldn't stand it and just had to put my indignant rage to paper/blog)! Arie was a dorky race car driver who was so smitten kitten for Emily that it was honestly almost embarrassing.

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: 'The Bachelorette' Season 8, Episode 10: 'The Bachelorette' Recap: Curaco is the perfect place to buy some pottery and propose, everybody!

Well, love lovers, last night was the last episode of this season of The Bachelorette, and with it, our very last recap of the season. What am I going to write about now?! Where am I going to get my weekly dose of unrealistic romantic settings and dramatic interactions that are more dumb than dramatic?! Huh? Where do broken hearts go? Do they find their way home?

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: 'The Bachelorette', Season 8, Episode 9: Curacao Is The Perfect Place To Get Your Heart Broken, Everybody!

This week, Emily and her Rose Buds descend upon Curacao! 

Where THE FUCK is Curacao? Has anyone ever even heard of this place before? Everyone on The Bachelorette kept talking about it like, "Oh, yeah, of course, it's awesome to be here in Curacao" and everyone else in the entire world was like, "Where?! You're in Kalispell? Morocco? The mythical lands of Cure-A-Spell?" Turns out, Curacao (correctly pronounced "Cure-a-sow") is in the Caribbean and is a constitute of the Kingdom of the Netherlands.

And, surprise! They also paid The Bachelor Franchise to use this episode as a glorified tourist ad because obviously they also get that no one knows where the fuck this place is.

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: ‘The Bachelorette’, Season 8, Episode 8: Hometowns Are The Perfect Place To Fall In Love, Everybody!

This week on The Bachelorette, we got to go to the hometown of each remaining Rose Bud (Lumpy Space Princess Chris, Jef With One F, Arie, and Sean) to meet their families and pretend-sweat it out over whether or not they’ll approve or Emily.

And yes, it was just as boring as it sounds.

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: ‘The Bachelorette’, Season 8, Episode 7: Prague Is The Perfect Place To Fall In Love, Everybody!

Last night Emily and her Rose Buds descended on Prague in Czechoslovakia. Which makes me hate them all, because Prague is pretty much the city I want to go to above all other cities (I am available for hire, any corporate travel sponsors who might want a kicky blogger to visit towns for them and write non-boring reviews).

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: ‘The Bachelorette’, Season 8, Episode 6: Dubirudkcioulskiciyick, Croatia Is The Perfect Place To Fall In Love, Everyone.

On this week’s episode of the Bachelorette, the crew went to a town called Dubrichoiolytickaloahik in Croatia. While I knew from reading books on vampires that Croatia is actually pretty beautiful, I bet the Bachelor team really threw an eye-opening curveball to most of America by showing them that Croatia isn’t a coal-dust-covered nuclear holocaust war zone.

That’s Romania, guys.

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Bachelor Monday Rewind: ‘The Bachelorette’, Season 8, Episode 5: What Light Through Yon Window Breaks? It’s Emily, Y’all!

This week on The Bachelorette: Emily Has a Daughter, we’re all going to LON-DON TOWWWN! Cheers, mate! Hope you have a jolly good time, then! Eat some fish and chips and go put your trainers in the boot of your lorrie, yeah!

Quote of the night, from Real Housewife Ryan, as he revels over how romantic London is: What an unbelievable backdrop for her to continue a relationship with me.

This guy. I mean…there are just no words.

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Amber Carter