Someday I’ll Create a Webinar About This, So Get Excited About THAT
Yesterday I wrote about a thought that came to me first thing in the morning, about how I’m actually in total control of all the areas of my life that cause me frustration. One of those, of course, was my weight. There’s something really empowering and emboldening, when you realize that you actually hold all the keys to your happiness. That you actually do know what to do; the question is if it’s worth more to you to actually do it, instead of the low-effort option of staying the same.
In the words of my (imaginary) best friend, Ross Matthews, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
Last night I was texting with my BFF Katy, because I had noticed at our movie date on Sunday that, after joining a run club and really sticking to it for almost a year, she’s been looking really amazing lately. But we’ve both had different times in our lives where we’ve lost a lot of weight and been the beneficiary of compliments that made us wonder just how disgusting those two people thought we looked before we lost weight, and so I don’t like to give those kinds of compliments to people. Other people’s bodies are none of our business. Therefore, my approval or praise of someone shouldn’t be contingent on whether or not they’ve lost five pounds (because if you’ve never been in a position to wonder, “Are they going to stop being nice/approving/affectionate/proud if I gain those 5 pounds back?!” Consider yourself lucky).
But I’ve also known Katy since I was 14, and we have the kind of friendship where our telling each other that we’ve noticed a difference in how their clothes are fitting, etc, is way more affirming than insulting. She shared that she’s been making a point of making three dinners a week that are just meat and veg, and that’s really been making a difference. “Once again, the hard lesson that my body doesn’t really do carbs/sugar.” I was like “LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I know what you mean LOLOLOLOLOLOL”, and then she sent me this article about this dude that someone at her jog club was talking about - he lost 95 pounds doing intermittent fasting and some newspaper did a whole article on him. I texted back, “I know SO many people who do intermittent fasting and swear by it. But you know I don’t like rules.” And she was like, “No?????? You?????”
We have fun.
ANYWAY. I read the article, and one of the first things I thought when I started reading it was, “Wait, I’m carrying around way more extra weight than this guy...and he got a whole newspaper article written about him?? IS THIS HOW I FINALLY BECOME FAMOUS?!?!” And then I read more about how when he started doing intermittent fasting, he only ate between the hours of 12 PM and 8 PM, and I was like, “Okay, I would really prefer 10 AM to 6PM, or even 8 AM to 4 PM, because I am an early riser and also why not just embrace the fact that I’m getting to that stage in life where I like to eat dinner early so that digestion does not disrupt my sleeping patterns because THIS daring sexual bombshell prefers a good, peaceful, uninterrupted night’s sleep without any heartburn!!!” But then I kept reading about how, since he was only eating in between a specific timeframe it became really important to him to make sure the food he was eating was “really powerful”, which is way less fun than my friend Jake who lost 50 pounds before his wedding by doing intermittent fasting for 24 hours twice a week but would end those 24 hours with a whole pizza and a bunch of craft beer (not that I want to do that, but it sounds way more fun than replacing ice cream with Greek yogurt bars like a bunch of nerds). And then finally I read about how he also paired this intermittent fasting journey with cycling 45 minutes a day and I was like “hahahaha this article is A LIE” and went back to watching Below Deck (WHILE editing my book, because I am LEARNING THINGS).
But then this morning I woke up and was reminded of an epiphany delivered to me earlier this spring. It was one of those messages delivered to me while I was just doing my dishes and minding my own business, and all of a sudden a message from one of my guides - I call him M, and he’s very ancient and wise and doesn’t socialize a lot but when he speaks up it is very distinct and direct and I have learned to shut the hell up and listen closely - came in. My weight wasn’t a punishment, he pointed out - it wasn’t something I had to suffer through or try to fix or even work to accept. I was looking at it from an entirely wrong angle. And then - I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but at the time it was really powerful, so just hang with me here - he showed me a vision of my future self. Standing in a black tank top with Michelle Obama arms, perfectly highlighted hair, face beat for the Gods (I mean, reader, I didn’t just look good - future me looked heckin’ GREAT) and speaking into a camera like I was doing my own Super Soul Sunday: “Don’t look at this as a set-back - look at it as the beginning of your biggest success story.”
Meaning that, if we brought it back home to my life purpose of transforming shitty experiences into works of art in order to help others also feel seen and validated in their own experiences, then sis, here we go: Here was a huge ol’ pile of straw to turn into gold.
So to bring it back to my point, I was reminded of that moment yesterday...and again, this morning, I heard that still, strong voice reminding me that my relationship with my body was a real and true opportunity to dig deep and get real and make the changes that will positively affect the rest of my life and also possibly the lives of others. That last part sounds gross, because I’m not trying to be an influencer or build an accountability-coaching business (#TeddiMellencamp) and I’m definitely not sharing my deepest, darkest body stuff in order to get Likes or website visits (but if you want, you can sign up for my email list). But also, who wants to do this shit alone? Actually, I do, but I’m starting to feel like I can’t, because not only will the universe not leave me alone about it, but more and more stuff is coming up that I feel like I need to talk honestly about in order to fully process it and shove it out, so. Guess this is that new kind of sharing circle where I’m the only one doing all the sharing.
(Which, ironically, is actually is exactly how I would like all of my sharing circles to be, because if there’s one thing I love, it’s a thing where I get to do all the talking)
Which all brings it back to the beginning: What’s worth more to me? Staying in my old, easy habits, or - like CJ, my other imaginary best friend, says - getting my life? Today I tested it out in a real and tangible way with a Pumpkin Spice Latte, because for some reason I have such a dumb emotional attachment to that stupid drink, and I think about it all the time when I’m like, “OMG, I’m gonna totally make myself over and be the picture of perfect health and fitness and nothing is going to stop me...except when the Pumpkin Spice Lattes come out in the fall, and then all bets are off!!!” So today, I got one. And you know what I realized? I don’t even like it all that much. Am I changing? Growing? Maturing? Who is this new me who is suddenly craving the gym? Who is all like, “Oh, am I in a bad mood? Guess I just need to work out and get those endorphins flowing, hahahaha!” Before you know it, I’m gonna be posting about my new recipes that are all healthy alternatives to your favorite Chipotle order, and doing #SponCon for this great new smoothie mix that totally gives me so much energy during my workouts AND keeps my hair silky and shiny! Are we ready for her? Are we ready for this new AC to step into her power like that?
J/K. I’m not doing any of that. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet (and if any of you fucks tell me to “Just eat less and move more!” I swear to god I will hunt you and your entire family down and play Daughtry on full blast outside all of your windows for days and nights on end until you all scream for bloody mercy), but I know for sure that it’s going to be complicated and messy and sometimes really cool and other times super lame. And it’s all worth it.