The Start of Something New
Do you know how hard it is to take a good photo of a scale?! Also, this might be the last scale pic I ever take, because apparently the kind of scale your friend AC owns is the kind of scale that shows a different weight every time you move it or step on and off...which is really fun!!!!!!
Here’s why I’m posting this: The first time I hit 250 this winter, I expected to sob or start shaking with self-rage or swear up and down to only eat raw vegetables from now on or even optimistically hop off the scale and jump right into the treadmill (and stay there...FOR-EV-ER). Because those are the things you envision yourself doing when you hit the weight you always swore up and down you’d NEVER let yourself get to.
But instead, I just sort of sighed and was like, “Okay. So this is where we are, now.” The numbers have gone down and then up and then down and then finally back up to this today. And I had the same reaction as I did before. I’m not taking this number as a self-recrimination. It’s not something I need to be ashamed of. It’s not even necessarily a starting baseline to all my health and fitness goals (because that’s basically just saying that my body’s only value at this weight is to be the always-meant-to-be-horrifying “Before”...which is kind of gross and highly disrespectful to my bod and if anyone told me that I was just a “Before” to their self-improvement project I would stubbornly sabotage that shit SO HARD).
All this number is is evidence that my body still has something to tell me that it really, really needs me to hear.
And the great news is, I’m finally ready to listen.