This week has been…how do you even put it into words. I’ve been sharing a lot about horrific attacks by Hamas and the resulting Israel-Hamas conflict on my IG Stories this past week. Research is a thing that deeply soothes me (I’m a Manifestor 5/1 in Human Design so IYKYK), whether it’s going down the rabbit hole of an actress’ career or cross-checking news articles on world events.

I care deeply about being fair and balanced, about adding context and nuance where I think it’s missing, and fact-checking stuff I’m seeing that feels propagandist or alarmist. But IG Stories are tough, because people dip in and out, and so I’ve been fielding a lot of DMs from people who have popped in one day and think I’m taking sides when literally the day before I’ve shared a ton from other side. And I get it: People are just as scared and angry and worried as I am, too. I have 100% gone off on a few people for posting a bunch of “but Israel sucks, too” posts immediately after the Hamas attacks (like, read the fucking room) and now I honestly question their judgement. So it’s fair if some people react in the same way to me, as well; I’m not a journalist, and I’m certainly not an expert on Israel-Palestine relations. I also hate having to write “just so you know” clarifying posts that sometimes feel scolding or self-righteous, but fuck if it doesn’t piss me off to see people equating Hamas to the Palestinian resistance or the current far-right extremist Israeli government to Jewish civilians. And it also sort of pisses me off to see people purposefully not take a public stance because they don’t want to alienate people from their audience who do equate those things together. I love all of you very much, but if you think the Hamas’ attacks on Israeli civilians were in any way justified or that the subsequent Israeli governments’ reaction to just indiscriminately bomb the already-oppressed Palestinian people in Gaza is a good and right military tactic and you want to unfollow me because I do not agree, then we do not need to be friends! Unfollow me if you must!!!!

Both the Jewish people and the Palestinians have a right to exist; I also believe that both have a claim to their ancestral homeland. The Israeli people are literally surrounded on all sides by countries and regimes who wish to annihilate them; the Palestinian people in Gaza are basically living in what is often referred to as an open-air prison. Their dual claim on Israel has made for a deeply complicated and often horrific political conflict for almost a century. We’ve already seen what is currently happening in Israel spill over into tragedy across the world, and we are fools if we do not think it’s at all possible that the conflict could be visited upon our own shores, either by Hamas or Iran + allies. I’m terrified for the hostages and their families, and I’m deeply concerned that when Benjamin Netanyahu says his administration is going to completely wipe out Hamas (which is…impossible? Anyone who knows anything about terrorist cells knows they’re like weeds…another one is just waiting to sprout up in its place), what he actually means is that this is his chance to completely wipe out Palestinians from Gaza.

So yeah. My heart is with anyone who knows or loves someone who has been directly impacted by the attacks by Hamas or by the ongoing conflict in Gaza, and with Jewish and Muslim people all over the world who now feel less safe because of this conflict.

If you need anything - amplification of resource needs, etc - or feel like I’ve gotten something wrong, please reach out. I will not debate with “devil’s advocates” (like, get a job), but I am always open to conversing if something I said hits you the wrong way.

Resources so we don’t stay mired the helpless-and-hopeless muck:

I loved this article by the BBC about Zaka, the volunteers who collect the remains of the dead after tragedies and terrorist acts so that Jewish people can be buried in accordance with Jewish law. There are grisly details included in the article, so consider that your trigger warning, but there’s also something really beautiful about people who are willing to personally confront those grisly details in order to give victims peace and their families a chance to properly grieve.

Israel by Noa Tishby:

Kate Casey - a fantastic interviewer - recorded a discussion with Rabbi Gersh and made it free for all on her Patreon.

What has helped you this past week? Resources you recommend? Articles and podcasts you found particularly helpful? Let me know and I’ll pass them on in next week’s newsletter.

So other than fanning the flames of incendiary political opinions this week, here’s what else I’ve been up to:

After publicly announcing last week that I was now training to trek to Everest Base Camp (EBC) in 2025, my central nervous system sort of freaked out with the fact that this idea was now really real. To double the freak out, I had just completed a huge writing project goal and did it within my deadline, something I had never been able to do before. So even though my training was officially supposed to kick off last week, I needed to take a couple of mental health days to both bid adieu to a life I will not get to have for the next year and a half if I want to reach my training goal, and also figure out what I want my next writing goal to be.

The thing about trekking to EBC is that I LIKE that it’s scary. I LIKE that there are people out there who - secretly and openly - don’t think I can do it, who fully expect me to chicken out. It used to really bother me that not everyone believed in my abilities or determination or willpower, but I think it only bothered me because I didn’t actually believe in my abilities or determination or willpower, either.

But something in me has re-awakened this year. Setting those small, consistent goals and showing up for myself every day reminded me of who I used to be when I was younger: The Amber who decided she was going to practice running the mile every single day for a year so she could get an A in gym (we got graded on whether or not we improved on our running time over three testing periods that year), and then not only improved on her overall time by, like, 6 minutes, but was one of the first people (not just one of the first girls) in her class to finish. Who decided she was going to drop out of North Park and work at a Bible Camp and did not give a single shit what you thought about it; same for going to India and moving to England. That person who watched a video of summiting Everest when she was 19 and was like, “No sweat. Could totally do that if I put my mind to it.” And you know what? THAT Amber COULD have done it if she had put her mind to it!

Amber of present time, however, has zero desire to summit Everest - even just watching footage of people ice climbing to Base Camp One feels like every form of divine intervention is in my ear, yelling “DON’T YOU FUCKIN’ DO IT” - but this trek feels like the next best thing. It feels scary and expansive and motivating and exhilarating. I would actually like some of you to NOT believe in me, because then I can use your disbelief as fuel (which sounds hilariously TikTok gym-bro’y which means that I will be adding it to some merch in the next coming weeks) and also if you could just drop a glossy headshot in the mail for my Wall of Haters that would be very cool of you!!!

I don’t know how to explain it…having a huge goal like this has just been so helpful for focus and determination, which alternatively is like gasoline for manifestation. And it made me realize that I really needed the same type of goal for my writing. I needed a really big goal that I could easily visualize; something really audacious, something that I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make happen. Something that I knew other people probably didn’t or wouldn’t believe I could do, which would push me to prove myself right and them wrong.

I haven’t quite landed on it yet…I’m sort of toggling between a few ideas (and this eclipse has not been helping my indecisiveness), but my goal is to narrow it down in the next few days, and then I’ll be announcing the big new writing goal (i.e., making it real) and sharing my progress.

I love Brynn on #RHONY and I don’t care who knows it!!!!!!

The first season of the new #RHONY had its finale this week (last night if you watch live/today if you’re a Peacock girlie like me), and while I hated almost every single episode of this joyless, dry, BORINGGGG season, one thing I didn’t hate was Brynn Whitfield.

She’s the only one who made me genuinely laugh out loud this last episode, and - a true feat for this cast - she made me LOL more than once! I normally hate a betch who runs and tells everyone what you said (aka, Shein By Sheree), but I’m so amused by her that I am willing to overlook it. I love her sex kitten schtick; I love that she’s a shameless flirt; I love that I can tell that she actually does read books; I love that she’s an unabashed gold digger; I love that she understands tree energy; I love that she’s tender-hearted about family and kids and her grandmother; I love her American Girl Doll fashions; and I love that she’s freezing her eggs in fucking *Switzerland*! Brynn is maybe one of the only people I’ve watched on any show ever that’s made me wish I moved to NYC when I was younger so I could be a sexpot career girl in Manhattan - she makes living in the city look so fun and magical. I need to see more of her life next season, but I also think she did so much work pushing story and making mess with the other ladies that there wasn’t any time for a “here I go, off to work!” Brynn-centric package (and yes, that is the EXACT SAME BONE I have with Tammy Sue on RHOC, but unlike Tamrat, I actually like Brynn so I admire and respect when *she* does it). By the end of a season, I usually don’t need any more from any ladies until we see them again next year, but I want more Jenna (whom I sadly don’t think we’ll get next season), and I want more Brynn!!!

Aggressively Recommend:

Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll

Finding Michael on Hulu & Disney+

Even just thinking about this documentary makes me tear up…watch the trailer and tell me if just that doesn’t make you do the same. Watching this sparked off my long-dormant fascination with Everest and those who dare to climb it, and months after, it’s the reason why I decided to make EBC my goal. The doc is complicated, and sets off a ton of questions around egos and privilege and those who often end up paying for both; but it’s also a heartbreaking tribute to a big brother, and the kind of grief and unexplored, complicated trauma that can occur when there’s no body to bury (a theme that also is explored in Bright Young Women). I’ve also been watching Spencer for years thanks to Made In Chelsea, and (sort-of-cheesy ending aside) this doc showed a more introspective, sensitive side to that famously arrogant love rat, and your girl here loves to (literally) see it.

“The Super Models” on Apple TV

You would never be able to guess it now from my stubborn rotation of leisure wear, but when I was younger I was OBSESSED with high fashion. In later elementary and middle school, I would literally get up at 6 AM on the weekends to watch Style with Elsa Klensch, and I spent all my money on fashion magazines (it was a very real debate every single month over which better fit my own style aspirations: Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar). And I particularly devoured everything Supermodel - I knew who Cindy, Naomi, Tatiana, Linda, and Christy were before George Michael’s Freedom video (and also can we talk about how that video was a colliding of my two favorite worlds???), and even back then, I had serious questions about why Stephanie wasn’t included.

So I was already prepared to love this doc. I particularly loved how they showed the hypocrisy of the ‘90s fashion world in using Cindy, Linda, Naomi, and Christy’s star power for their magazines and runways, but then publicly complaining when the supermodels had the audacity to start charging what they were worth. There’s a couple of particular soundbites from Karl Lagerfield and Anna Wintour - two people who absolutely benefitted from the crossover popularity of these women - that illustrate a sort of movement to put these supermodels “back in their place” and remind them that they should be grateful to even get to be a model, which is just so…disappointing, but not surprising.

I do want more, though - I want another one with Stephanie Seymour, Helena Christianson, Iman, Yasmeen Ghauri, Elle Macpherson, and of course, Claudia Schiffer. And then I want another one with the second-waves, with Kate Moss, Amber Valetta, Shalom Harlow, Eva Herzigová, Kristen McMenamy, Laetitia Casta, and Karen Mulder. DROWN ME IN SUPERMODEL DOCS, DADDY!!!

“Beckham” on Netflix

Speaking of docs…oh man. Not to be all “hey did you know I studied abroad” about it, but I lived in England during THEE HEIGHT of Posh and Becks, so even though I’m not a huuuuge soccer fan (I do like it, though…I just don’t like our team), I was super psyched to watch this. It is so good, my friends. SO! GOOD! Fischer Stevens (you may remember him as the guy with the extremely skinny neck in Succession, tho’ dude has been acting in major stuff forever) directed it, and I loved the breaking of the fourth wall between him and the subjects of the doc. There is a moment during the first episode that I LOSE IT - I don’t think I’ve ever cried over ANY sports stuff in my life, aside from the Rocky movies when I was little, but this had me sobbing and shouting over the triumph of it all. Also at some point we’re gonna need to talk about how much I love Victoria and how obsessed I am over their English countryside estate and how now I need a separate doc that is JUST about Posh and Becks and their relationship and family (remember the Harper era? When women’s uteruses were pounding all over the world thanks to all the photos of Becks carrying her around and kissing her chubby cheeks and sitting her on his lap while she charmed Anna Wintour in the front row of fashion shows???)

How To Be Less Old

Listen…the only way a (Fun AND Flirty) 40-something like myself knows about stuff like Beige Flags and why we don’t say “slay” anymore is because I’m terminally on TikTok.

But even then, I can’t keep up with everything my fellow kids are coming up with, so instead I depend on Deanna Cheng and Emily Foster of How To Be Less Old, which breaks down all the slang and trends the Youths are using so us Olds don’t sound, y’know, SO old, even at our big age.

And on that T, keep vibing in the cut, you lifers, no cap -

AC