The Weekend Coffee™: More Coffee, Calling Your B*tch-A$$ Mom, Pop Tawk, & The Sports ☕️📲👄🥇
What’s up, sports fans! It’s been a couple weeks since I rapped ‘atcha, and as I’m sure you can guess, that’s largely been due to *gestures in Minnesota*.
Minneapolis Luminary Loppet tribute to Renee & Alex (photo credit @yamamomma on Threads)
I keep having the hardest time stringing my thoughts together in a way that keeps this train on the tracks long enough to get to where I want to go this week, so instead of writing my Very Important & Insightful Persuasive Arguments over and over, lemme just sum up in some bullet points:
What's happening in Minnesota is ten times worse than what you’re seeing in the news or online. Bovino leaving didn’t do shit; if anything, these federal fcks just became even more brazen
We are being terrorized, it is a purposeful federal occupation, there is literally no other way to say it even though saying that feels like we’re all Madison and being INSANE right now
Combine the above with the horrifying revelations in this latest batch of Epstein Files, and I think it’s reasonable to expect that our mental health is in the terlit
However, one thing that Minnesota is being particularly great about right now is refusing to cower under the purposeful psychological terror by giving in to anxiety and fear
Also, did you know? That my city of Minneapolis has been nominated for a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE?!
I do not feel like I really had anything to do with that but that’s never stopped me from taking full credit before and it’s definitely not gonna stop me now
But I’d also like to take a page from my state brethren’s book and continue to insist that we come to this place for magic
When we give in to the fuckery and let it color the only truly joyful and creative spaces we have left, the terrorists win
And also, my IG Stories are getting stomped down by the algorithm right now and so a lot of you are missing some really fun and uplifting stuff and ALSO I have so many relevant videos and Threads that I’ve collected that I don’t know how I’m going to possibly get a chance to share them all
AND SO. I had an idea this weekend, but like everything else I’ve ever done, I’m sort of worried that it’s just going to end up annoying a lot of people:
What I’d like to do is send out a daily lil’ newsletter of the best stuff that I’ve collected. The funniest videos and Threads - current-event-related and also not; the latest wins to help you keep your head up; and some easy action steps you can take that day to effect positive change and show community support.
Now listen - I am terrible at consistency and I also have a debilitating struggle with perfectionism, so I’m going to acknowledge that getting this out every day is probably going to be a huge challenge for me. But I also feel like this is the time when we need shit-posts and lame jokes more than ever, and I think we’ll all agree that no one has more passion for making you watch the dumbest videos you’ve ever seen like I do.
Baby, this is what I was born for!
The posts will be short, sweet, and deliver a dose of dopamine. The goal is that every time you open up one of these lil’ newsletters, you’ll feel at least a little better after reading it than you did before.
The Weekend Coffee™ and True Story will continue to be the same robust posts (and will also be available on my website), so it will admittedly be a lot of me in your inbox…which for some of you is a lifelong fantasy but for others is a (beautiful) nightmare.
Either way, I’m here to make your dreams come true!
Anyway, let’s just try it and see how it goes, yeah? If you don’t want ‘em, just trash ‘em (but also please open them first so that my stats don’t plummet?? Thxsomuch). And if we all end up hating it, then I’ll just stop doing it and we’ll never talk about it again and if you ever bring it up in conversation I’ll just act like I don’t even know what you’re talking about and you sound CRAZY right now Madison!
Here’s What’s Been Doin’
A very dumb Reel of mine went viral this week:
I can’t take total credit for it - it’s based off a joke from Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11, where footage of George W. Bush is shown against Clapton’s riff. I saw that particular documentary when it premiered at the Uptown Theater with my friend Katy and everyone immediately laughed at that part except for me, because I was unfamiliar with Clapton’s work beyond CD infomercial favorite “Layla”, the soundtrack feature of 1991’s movie Rush, “Tears in Heaven”, and the one Red Wing prom theme I still feel sad about missing out on, “Wonderful Tonight.”
But now I don’t only get the joke, I’m APPLYING the joke! Learning is fun.
So then after that went viral, I was like, “Well if you liked THAT one, then you’re gonna LOVE these!”
Except they didn’t! Barely anyone liked those! But that’s okay, because I like them.
One thing I started doing this week is combining self-care for my skin AND self-care for my country:
Rolling calls has been really helpful for me this past month - it’s an effective way for me to bitch someone out whilst also performing a civic duty, AND it’s a great way for me to put my talent for being extremely annoying to good use. I’ve been calling my reps every day, I’ve been calling the DOJ every day, and I’ve been calling Schumer and Jeffries every day. This is basically my motto to everyone in Congress right now:
(Also this edit of Renegade Nell feels like as good a time as any to tell you that sometimes I’m attracted to women)
I’ve also called James Comer and Tom Emmer, though I admittedly blacked out with rage during those calls and so now I consider it imperative that I work off a script instead of going off the cuff. I don’t think that “I’m gonna call your bitch-ass mom next and ask her why she raised such an absolute loser of a son” is gonna be considered a credible threat by the FBI, but if they come a-knockin’, I also don’t trust that I won’t be able to resist inquiring if they ask that Kash Patel to bend over beforethey tongue-kiss his b-hole or do they just lay in bed at night dreaming about gently smooching JD Vance on his plump lil’ lips.
But let’s move on, shall we?
Pop that Tawk
These past few weeks I’ve been a bit too consumed with the current events outside my own door to really engage with the pop culture events happening worldwide, but I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently to hear my views on the most important news of the day, and so I’ll let this guy deliver that for me:
Stuff that I usually highly enjoy and look forward to, like favorite podcasts, award shows like the Golden Globes and Grammys, or reality TV like Real Housewives, have started to irritated me on a deep level. A lot of it right now just feels like Kim, there’s people that are dying…I don’t give a shit about what a billionaire wore on the red carpet or whether or not a bunch of Beverly Hills betches feel like the word “accosted” is too strong a word to describe their shitty dinner party behavior.
While I think I might be done with Real Housewives for the foreseeable future (I just can’t take the woman-on-woman crimes anymore, and not just from the women on the show but also from the audience who watches and comments on it), some shows, like Bridgerton and Summer House, are a balm right now. Even Southern Charm is back in my good graces, mostly because it has me holding on to the vision of when we can go back to nice leisurely dinners at our favorite steak places or on a fun long weekend getaway to a friend’s sprawling estate without feeling like we’re abandoning our vulnerable neighbors to roving patrols.
Traitors, however, is the one show that I toggle back and forth on. Sometimes it feels so good to just get lost in the camp of it all, and other times I get super annoyed at people taking the fun out of it by acting super snake-y or giving others a bad experience because they’re taking the game too seriously and losing sight that the real prize are the friends we make along the way.
But so far, the highs are worth the lows: I have LOVED watching the TV comeback of Lisa Rinna, I’m so happy to have Candiace on my screen again, and of course, obsessed with the super-secret BFF alliance of Johnny & Tara:
Name pinked out because NO SPOILERS!
If you’re uninitiated into the decades-long love I have for Johnny and Tara - both separately and together - then get ready, because I’m working on a whole newsletter filled with Johnny + Tara lore for your Traitors & Winter Olympics enjoyment (shooting to have that out to you before the next Traitors episode drops on Thursday).
I’ll also be doing a super-sized Traitors edition of my favorite moments and hot takes, but for now, I’ll leave you this lil’ Traitors treat of Candiace & Johnny:
I’m also putting together an Olympic edition of all the stuff I’ve got to say about it (surprisingly it’s a lot!), and you can bet money that tomorrow morning I’ll probably have some fun stuff to share about The Bad Bunny Concert tonight. But for now, I’ll leave you with a form of guerrilla art / activism that is giving me L I F E right now:
And a Bad Bunny primer:
That’s it for this week’s The Weekend Coffee™! Mostly because I literally cannot fit anything else into this email. Henceforth, I’ll be back in your inboxes tomorrow.
And that’s not a promise, that’s a threat!
- Amber