It’s a snowy Tuesday here in Minnesota; I’m still waiting for a project to kick off, so Ainsley and I spent the morning snuggled up in front of the fireplace, watching The Bachelor Finale while I drank coffee and organized my notes for this here newsletter. After this wraps, I’m diving into my newest-favorite genre of book, which is low-stakes fantasy.

I love low-stakes fantasy! Right now, it’s all I wanna read and it’s all I wanna write. In fact, I’d be happy with no stakes! These days, I just wanna read something entirely cute and pleasant, with maybe a little romance sprinkled in, especially if that romance involves a dashing pirate or beefy wood nymph. Y’know? Like just give me a book about fairyland creatures hanging out in their cute little cozy homes and organizing their library full of books while a delicious pie cools on the windowsill before they take a long delightful walk and do some kiss-kissing behind the willow tree and then join their friends around a fire to drink hot chocolate and laugh long into the night.

So that’s where I’m at right now. I basically just spend all day watching this TikTok and dreaming up low-stakes fairytales around Gabriel, the guy with the flowing mane and black pants.

Click through to watch video

Which, incidentally, also made me think of a show that was on TV for barely a split-second but is still something I aggressively recommend if you’re up for the same kind dreamy-stakes stuff that I’ve been craving:

When this guy was like “it was so specifically My Shit”, I couldn’t hit the Follow button fast enough because Galavant was SO SPECIFICALLY MY SHIT, TOO!! The Princess Bride (the book and the movie), Willow (the book, movie, AND the Disney+ series), Monty Python & The Holy Grail (the movie AND Broadway play), Your Highness…these things we hold dear, my friends. And Galavant is just so silly and fun…there’s onemoment in the pilot where Princess Isabella starts singing and it’s clunky and I groaned a lil’ bit, so you’re gonna have to tough that part out, but I promise you it’s worth it. The show’s a delight, my friends, and it’s currently on Hulu for your binging pleasure.

Bach Batch

The finale of The Bachelor: Joey Plays Tennis took place last night, and honestly…I don’t remember when a finale of The Bachelor has ever made me so emotional in my entire life!

If you don’t know already, one of the contestants to make it to the end is Daisy, a woman from Becker, MN, who wears a cochlear implant. She is literally a sweet baby angel sent from Christmas Tree farm heaven…or at least, that’s what we all thought she was until someone found this music video for a song she did the refrain for:

Click thru to the newsletter to watch

Personally, I think the song is a bop…I’ve been walking around all week singing “so you can 👅 on my 💰 , 😛 my 🥜 now…” 🤷🏻‍♀️

All of that was forgotten, however, when she became responsible for a final rose moment that had me BLUBBERING while watching it:

You know the drill

Both her and Joey are two of the kindest, most empathetic, and emotionally mature people we’ve ever had on this show.

Oh, and then, after breaking her own heart, Daisy goes and does THIS (Kelsey lost her mom a few years ago):

You guessed it

Live look at me during the finale:

Yep, another one

The only thing that was weird about the finale is the announcement of The Bachelorette. No one can quite figure out what happened: It seems like it was offered to Maria and Daisy and both of them turned it down, so then they offered it to Jenn the day *before* they taped After The Final Rose? The way it was announced and the live audience reaction to it was very weird, let’s just say that.

I’m hoping we’ll get some insight into whether Daisy and Maria turned it down and why, because fans are currently RABID about Maria not being the next lead. And this majorly sucks, because even though I was positive that Maria was a lock for next season and was personally looking forward to seeing her lead the show, I also adore Jenn, AND she is going to THEE FIRST Asian-American Bachelorette, which is amazing!!

Except that Bachelor Nation is already very shitty and racist even when their favs aren’t getting passed up for the role, and Jenn does not deserve any of that bullshit! She is a gorgeous, funny, tender-hearted woman who literally looks like a Disney Princess and I only want the very best for her and so should every single person in Bachelor Nation.

Anyway, season’s over, and instead of being happy about that, I’m actually a lil’ sad? Joey was such a great Bachelor and this season was so fun, my loves. Also Monday nights on TV are BOOOOORRRRIIIINNNNGGG.

Other stuff:

As most people know, the #WhereIsKate fervor ended last week in pretty much the worst way anyone could have predicted, which was Kate announcing that she has cancer. This started a flurry of finger-pointing, mainly between the UK press, Kensington Palace (KP), and internet speculators. Lotta scolding from the UK media towards people who were like, “A fake photo of Kate not wearing her ring? Huh…that’s weird” when apparently they should have been all, “Whom amongst?” instead.

Garbage Day did a spectacular rundown of how all this got started in the first place. It’s a relatively quick but comprehensive read, and overwhelmingly objective and fair. Which is something I personally always admire because your girl loves to “Yeah but…” a thing to death.
Anyway, sending out all the T’s and P’s to Kate and her family, especially her children.
(However, if a huge fucking bomb drops per the Royal Family in a week or two, I will not be remotely surprised, and I will absolutely expect every single one of you to reply back to this email telling me I told you so 🤷🏻‍♀️)
Everyone on the internet is stunting on Jennifer Lopez right now and her movie + documentary, which sort of hurts my feelings since, as we all learned a couple weeks ago, J.Lo and I are basically the same person. Like, yes, apparently she made the crew do 12 takes of her whole “I like to wear my hair like this because it reminds me of when I was young and running up and down the block” doc scene and she doesn’t seem to know what to order at a bodega, which again, SAMSIES. Who CARES. Y’all can hate on her all you want, but that diva has been feeding us stuff like this since literally 1998, which means she has been doing HER GODDAMN JOB:

I took down the entire second season of Buying Beverly Hills (Netflix) this weekend and honestly, you guys…I don’t think anyone should ever trust my taste, because everyone else on Twitter and the Discord kept saying how the show was total garbage but I literally had the time of my life chilling on my bed and watching these nepo babies try to take the Los Angeles real estate market by storm. Mauricio is hot (and newly single); I’m in LOVE with Zach Goldsmith (who is also apparently newly single?!); Alexia and Taylor are eternally watchable; Michelle reminds me of every shitty-ass mean manager or coworker I’ve ever had in my life, making her a fantastic foil for the Umansky daughters; and I never get tired of Ben and Joey. Are some situations set up for TV? Absolutely…that whole scene where what’s-her-face was like, “Give me some of your commission” to whats-his-face because she picked out the fixtures in her ex-boyfriend’s house that he sold? I hopethat was set up, because otherwise I’d have to be concerned for her mental health because that logic C R A Z Y. Anyway, I loved it!
Speaking of TV that I love but others apparently don’t, Palm Royale on AppleTV is so very fun.
We get the BEST of Kristen Wiig; the entire show is a feast for the eyes; this ensemble CAST my GOD; and the OG Mean Girl flavor is enough to keep you root-a’toot-tootin for our fair protagonist.