"Who Is She?" Identifying Your Ideal Self (Weekly Update: Thursday, February 11)
Welcome to the very first part of the Big Worth Energy process: Identify Your Ideal Self!
Basically…who is she?
Before we get started, I’d like to set the tone by sharing a few lines from one of my favorite poets:
Life’s a dance
You learn as you go
Sometimes you lead
Sometimes you follow
Don’t worry about what you don’t know
Life’s a dance
You learn as you go.
- John Michael Montgomery
That was beautiful. Thank you.
Let’s begin!
The Catalytic Converter
To put it simply, every great journey of self-discovery starts with the sneaking suspicion that you could be so much more than who you are right now.
For some, this is incredibly uncomfortable. I mean, it was for me! It took me years before I finally got up the courage to go after it.
And it all started by figuring out exactly who that “so much more” actually was.
“Who Is Conan O’Brien, and Why Is She So Sad?”
The thing is, identifying your ideal self is both the easiest and the hardest step in the whole BWE process.
I don’t even really have to ask you to close your eyes and get into a meditative state to find her: You probably already have a pretty good idea of who she is.
But do you, really?
Because here’s where it gets hard:
Most of us are not actually seeing our true, authentic, ideal selves. We are seeing the selves that we’ve been conditioned to think are ideal.
Maybe your ideal self is actually NOT the person who wakes up at 5 AM to work out…maybe she's the self who has organized her life in such a way that she gets to wake up luxuriously every single day to the sound of the ocean waves and zero clock alarms.
Maybe you think your ideal self is a Rachel Hollis type hustler who has a blog, a podcast, a collection of bestselling books, and a huge following on IG…when actually, your true ideal is a private investor who spends her time traveling and writing and basically doing whatever the fuck she wants without having to capture anything for the ‘gram.
Or, maybe you think your ideal self is a high achieving fitness guru but what your higher self really wants is to be living this kind of life:
And like, who WOULDN’T, right?
I’m gonna warn you: It can actually be quite unnerving to sift through the things you think compose your dream life whilst repeatedly asking yourself if this is something that truly reflects your highest preferences…or if it’s just something that someone somewhere made you think you wanted because they thought it was attractive or impressive.
Like, is that really YOUR dream house, or is it the dream house you think your perfect partner would like living in?
(The ladies know exactly what I’m talking about with that example)
It’s-ah Me, Mario!
For me, doing this was fuckin’ radical.
First, I had to allow myself to admit that I wanted a really big life. This broke open a LOT of shame for me: A variety of messaging from childhood and toxic relationships had conditioned me to believe that I should be ashamed for wanting a “flashy” lifestyle, and that the things I wanted to achieve were totally impractical and really hard and the fact that I even believed it was possible for me just proved that I lived in a make-believe world.
But what if all of that wasn’t true? What if it was actually super possible and totally easy and all I had to do was decide that I really did want it?
So I tried this mindset and allowed myself to dream really big.
To support myself in my “you can have a really big life” mind-movie making, I played a lot of Celine Dion videos, listened to every song by Bryan Adams that had been on a movie soundtrack in the ‘90s, and sifted through countless Pinterest boards. I started piecing together all of these dreams and visions I had long ago left behind because I had convinced myself somewhere along the way that they weren’t realistic or attractive.
This in and of itself is a huge exercise in leveling up that self-worth, because MAN, do those Negative Nancy voices come out to play once you kick open the doors to greater possibilities.
And then I figured out how to hack the system in my favor: If something came up and I immediately heard that dickish inner voice say something to the effect of “Dream on, betch!”, then I knew it was 100% something I needed to include on my ideal self/dream life list.
By the end of this process, my ideal self was so clear and authentic that when I dived into a visualization exercise set to a Celine Dion song (I almost never listen to that golden-voiced weirdo, but for some reason, her songs work REALLY well for manifestation!), it was such a powerful moment that I literally started crying with gratitude and joy…because, like, this COULD be my life!
And then I opened my eyes and had to confront the same bullshit life I was still living in.
Which sounds like a total drag - and it is - but it’s also supremely vital to the process.
Because when you do this, you’re able to swiftly identify the gaps between where that person is and where you are.
This is supremely motivating. It’s the mental equivalent of taking that primo Mercedes for a test drive and then having to get back into your old used ‘00 Toyota Camry.
But keep in mind: This process isn’t meant to make you feel bad about your present self.
Instead, consider it a calling to your consciousness about what kind of energy your soul is longing to inhabit. It’s meant to open yourself up to the possibilities, to the unlimited potential of your future self.
What’s the highest version of yourself? For the rest of the week, I invite you to do some digging on what your ideal self really looks like. Write down everything about her - what she wears, what she drives, what she smells like, where she vacations, what kind of work she does.
Take everyone else out of the equation,go all the way back to your childhood fantasies, and dig super deep. Make a phat Pinterest board. Put together one of those cool slide show movies where it’s just a bunch of images that rep your ideal self set to some kickass FKA Twigs. Do whatever you have to do to collect all those pieces of your authentic ideal self in one place.
(Cause next week, we’re gonna start workin’ with ‘em)
If you don’t see it or are struggling to come up with answers that feel super revelatory, then just wait. The more you remain open to it, the more your subconscious will steadily fill in the gaps for you.
One thing I know for sure in my decades of spiritual study is this: Unless one struggles with legit delusions of grandeur, we don’t see these visions of our ideal selves unless they are entirely, entirely possible. We won’t ever see ourselves in a way that we’re not capable of actually achieving.
In fact, the visions we tend to dismiss as unrealistic fantasies are often loving attempts by our higher selves to enlist us in the creation of our greatest destinies.
(And yes, I know…we all just immediately thought of that one person who sees themselves as a total pop icon even though they’re actually incredibly tone-deaf.
But then again, we also all know Erika Jayne and Rebecca Black (OMG, btw, have you HEARD her new song? It’s actually pretty fucking good), so actually, who are we to say…?)
See, What Had Happened Was…
Time for the actual update portion of this newsletter…
Oh my gosh, do you babies remember all the stuff I said in last week’s Weekly Update about how I was going to start setting routines and working out every day in my quest for better self-mastery???
Well, guess what??
I didn’t do it!
Like, AT ALL!
I just legit failed this week - there’s no other way to say it. I went soft on my self-mastery and lost focus, and it sucked.
But a few days ago I started leaning back into it, and I feel 10x better. One of the best things I’ve done in the last few months was build wellness touchpoints throughout my day…tiny little acts that are so simple but make me feel like I’m really taking care of myself when I do them. Super hot showers, restorative yoga through the Peloton app, a Vital Proteins Blueberry Moon Milk Collagen Latte right before bed…these are the things that make me want to stick to my routines when I’ve fallen out of them.
Currently, though, I’m struggling with trying to figure out how to possibly fit everything I want to do into my day. When I think of it in big picture terms, I have 17 waking hours at my disposal every single day…that’s a LOT! But when I sit down and start plotting stuff out in my daily calendar, it starts to feel like I only have two free hours to work on all my goals.
So I’m playing with it. I don’t wanna spend another whole paragraph on the trials and tribulations of my daily schedule, though, so just know that I’m still determined to figure out how to integrate that mind-body connection into my daily routines.
I also spent this weekend getting suuuuper clear on some REALLY big goals I want to work on this year (I turned 42 on Saturday!). I’ll be telling you all about them in the next couple weeks, and seriously, babies, it is going to be a wild, fun ride this year. If you wanna hear about it before I get to it in the BWE process, you can subscribe to the Secret Sharing Circle here:
What I’ve Been Digging This Week:
Last week I mentioned I would share the gorg new yoga tools I bought to encourage more restorative practice. This was one of them. It’s so beautiful, babies…the color (I got the Amethyst, pictured above), the suede-like fabric, the gold embossing…and best of all, it’s super eco friendly.
And yes, the above photo is totally how I look when I use it, too!
BLUEBERRY MOON MILK COLLAGEN LATTE
I am the kind of person who ideally should be in bed with the lights out two hours before I actually want to fall asleep. Which is not something I EVER want to do! So I started drinking this collagen latte before bed to help me turn off my brain and fall asleep as soon as possible. I swear to god - I will suck this thing down and 15 minutes later, I’m conked out. A kind warning that the taste is not for everyone: I actually really like it, but apparently a lot of other people hate it! So check out the strawberry flavor if that makes you nervous.
PURE OXYGEN RADIANT GLOW MOISTURE INFUSION
I LOVE Beauty Pie. I recently ordered this moisturizer, and babies…you know when a lotion or moisturizer just feels good to put on? Like so good that you can’t wait to drench your skin in it again? That’s what this moisturizer is like. I’ve also noticed an actual difference in how smooth and glowy my skin looks since I’ve started using it, which is a huge bonus.
OKAY BYE
Alright! Now that I’ve successfully written my 2nd novel in the form of this newsletter, I’m gonna make like the Bloodhound Gang in No Hard Feelings and wrap this up.
Until next week…
-AC