I once sold Chrissy Teigen a 13K bottle of wine (Week 12, February 3, 2021)
J/K. I just like being a part of things, especially when they’re on Twitter.
One of my big goals in January was to build more consistency when it comes to sending out these weekly newsletters. I spent hours working on an update that would take you through the first part of my BWE process…but the concept is pretty lofty, so it ended up taking so much time that I was either going to have to send out a half-baked post, or scrap it in favor of a quickly written, “Here’s the high points of the week” type newsletter.
But then I scrapped both of those ideas, because the last thing I want to do is send out something that doesn’t have a lot of value. When you signed up for these updates, you invited me to be a guest in your inbox, and I take that pretty seriously. I don’t want these newsletters to just be a box that I check, because that’s like someone talking at a dinner party just to talk: It’s annoying and also pretty rude, and nobody’s excited to invite that person to their next party.
I’ve also started to take this approach to the Daily Updates, choosing to give an update on the BWE Close Friends IG Stories if I don’t have a ton to talk about, or am still needing time to really write out what I’m working through. And it’s actually been really fun, to sort of switch mediums that way. Keeps it fresh.
This is all to say: It’s my goal to send out a weekly newsletter that is fun, entertaining, and has some value…whether I’m updating you on my journey or sharing some of the things I’ve learned that could potentially help you on your journey.
But if that’s not possible, then I’ll skip a week and give you some of that precious email inbox space back! Or I’ll just update you on stuff on the BWE IG Stories, which I want to start using more, anyway!
Onward:
January was pretty epic: The last time I remember feeling this good about both the start of the year and the way I stuck to my goals was probably back in 2014, when I started a strict Candida protocol and then blogged about it every day. The thing I always forget when I’m stuck in my perfectionistic procrastination “we’ve gotta build a very intricate strategy over the next year before we even START doing this thing” rut is that it’s the actual doing of the thing that gives me the most satisfaction.
And on that end, a quick summary:
In January, I launched @AmberL.Carter, a personal writing project that chronicles my life story on IG. I also relaunched Making It Magic, my intuitive reading/channeling business. I sent out the first newsletter in about a year to my Amber L. Carter dot com subscribers to update them on the moves above. I gave notice to my apt. management company that I would be moving out March 31, and I became a marketing partner (i.e., I’m not longer a contractor through a recruiting company, but a sole proprietor in my own right) to Target Corp.
I mastered the art of building a morning routine, but am still working on sticking to one. I have learned, over the course of this month, just how much my morning routine focuses the rest of my day. If I’m feeling off-track, unfocused, or scattered, it’s probably because I skipped a few steps in the routine.
I really loved working out with the Peloton App in the beginning of the month and even started to look forward to it. However, I also noticed how I was juuuust starting to slip back into using working out as a way to clean up messes made from disordered eating. So I switched my focus instead to a daily calorie count that wasn’t restrictive, but would still encourage me to be thoughtful about what I was putting into my body. Just by doing this, I shed a little more than 10 pounds. I did go off the rails with emotional eating a few days in January, notably when I was at my most anxious. However, unlike in the past when I would let those days turn into a week and then a month, etc, I didn’t let it defeat me, and quickly routed myself back to eating in a way that helps me feel really good.
A lot of the things above were accomplished with the mindset that I wanted to create massive positive change in my life, every single day. For years I’ve been longing for my life to change in some big, exciting way, but I haven’t actually done anything to help bring about those adventurous changes. So in January, I decided that if I wanted my life to change, I had to change my energy first. That required taking big leaps, releasing old stories, and starting things before I felt I was ready.
Doing this also required that I was constantly on point when it came to being on top of all the various tasks I was juggling. Sometimes I felt really great at this…other times I felt like my head was about go underwater. The tricky thing I noticed was that just one day of missing a thing here or there made me feel like the whole tower of cards was about to fall. Yet this actually didn’t bother me the way it might have in the past. Instead of using it as a recrimination for why I can never keep up, I’m not consistent, I don’t pay enough attention to the details, etc, I simply recognized that I needed to build better self-mastery in order to continue to support myself in all the things I want to do.
So that’s going to be my focus for this month: Continue to making massive positive change in my life every day, whilst building the self-mastery to support it.
If you’re a person who knows a shit-ton about astrology, me telling you that my South Node is in Pisces and my North Node is in Virgo will tell you everything you need to know about this.
For people who don’t know about astrology, I’ll break it down this way: To say that I have a propensity to want to sort of drift through my days on a daydream is not even remotely an exaggeration.
I’ve gained a lot of treasure from this tendency - my ability to immediately connect to spirit, my rich imagination, my sense of empathy, and my determination to build and keep more freedom in my life - but it has also caused a lot of dysfunction and dissociation.
Living in my head a lot isn’t good for me, because I’m either living inside old painful memories - which causes those memories to live longer in my body + replicate more painful memories - or I’m tucking into fantasies as a way to avoid the discomfort of the present moment.
Yet I’m learning that the present moment won’t ever become more comfortable for me until I focus on actually PARTICIPATING in creating a better present moment for myself!!
So.
Self-mastery covers building + sticking to routines (particularly a morning and evening one); setting clear, definable goals and objectives for what I want to create and achieve; creating a daily schedule for myself that supports those routines and goals; eliminating escapism through addictive behaviors and dissociation; building better health + wellness through mindful eating and a daily workout that helps me to stay present in my own body; and working to release old stories and negative memory-dives by mastering my thoughts.
So, how does all of this actually pertain to self-worth, exactly?
A couple months ago, I would answer this question, “It probably doesn’t!” But what I’ve learned from working on building routines this past month is that it’s surprising how quickly that builds my self-esteem. Even things as basic as taking a shower every day (I learned recently that skipping showers and other basic hygiene habits is actually quite common among people who have experienced the kind of trauma that caused them to dissociate from their bodies. Which honestly makes SO much sense) starts to give you a boost because it becomes an act of caring for yourself.
I used to think of routine and set habits as this structure of rigidity that would prevent me from fully enjoying my day, and would also inevitably get smashed to pieces by the unpredictability of life, anyway - like, what happens when I go on vacation? What if I’m staying a friends’ house and they want to go watch the sun rise? What if I have a guy sleeping over? - so what even was the point???
More and more, though, I’m seeing how good routine is for me, and rather than be rigid, it’s actually become quite comforting. I want to stick to them, because when I do so, I’m more well-rested, I’m centered and grounded, I feel less anxious, and my skin looks fucking great.
So there’s that, and then there’s the fact that these self-mastery items will also force myself to be largely present throughout my day. When I’m fully present, I’m not torturing myself with old, negative memories, nor am I defeating my potential by being sucked into escapist fantasies.
Self-mastery also sets up structures that will support me, my well-being, and the things I want to achieve in life, thereby sending the inherent message that I’m worthy of the things I want. I’m always hesitant to talk too much about goals and habits because I don’t want this to turn into a brosef “The 5 AM Morning” type thing, but by setting clearly defined goals and objectives, I’m setting myself up for success and giving myself the opportunity to make my dreams real. That’s a HUGE act of self-love.
So that’s where we’re at in February! I also have an auxiliary goal of using my BWE IG more, which is an ongoing goal that I still haven’t mastered, but I have the feeling that once I just get in the habit of using it all the time, it will become second nature. So I’m gonna keep trying!!!
Want the behind-the-scenes run-down on my daily progress with this project? Join the Secret Sharing Circle for Daily Updates filled with insights, revelations, and learnings I don’t talk about with anyone else! (Seriously…I don’t like to brag OR use the word “juicy” as an adjective, but…stuff gets juicy in the Daily Updates).
See you next week!
-AC