Summer House apologetics; Ashley I & Jared are magnetic; and two blonde podcasters fighting online is copacetic!
Hey y’all! Here’s how the last couple weeks have been:
I’m also finding myself fully immersed in the Summer House Ciara-Amanda-West debacle. If you don’t know what’s going on, lemme break it down REAL QUICK:
I am admittedly a lil’ triggered by Amanda because she has always reminded me of a close friend that all the boys were in love with, and who low-key needed them to be in love with her, even if that boy was your boyfriend (or the boy you wanted to make your boyfriend).
Like Amanda, she was skinny, pretty, blonde, etc…most of all, though, she had that veryparticular brand of “I’m funny and I’m cool but I also make you want to cuddle and hug and take care of me like I’m your special precious baby angel” siren song that’s sung at a frequency that mostly only guys can hear.
I can hear it, too, though, and it drives me c r a z y.
I think all of us Gen X/Millennial girls have had a moment or two where we've tripped up and valued the validation of a guy over a friend’s feelings. And mostly, when I look back, I find myself more annoyed with all the guy friends who would ignore me and our other friends in favor of flirting with her, or who would use us and our friendships to try to get to her.
But it’s those moments of being softly betrayed right in front of my face that still stick in my brain. Those moments where you’re standing there and watching her flirt with the guy she knows you like…or worse, watching her flirt with the guy who broke your heart, the one that a friend like Ciara would ignore or openly roll her eyes at on your behalf. Or the time when you catch her being slightly inappropriate with the guy you’re dating and are crazy about and later he’s like, “That was weird; I don’t think she’s really your friend” and you find yourself defending your friendship instead of being all, “Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t hug the guy she was going out with when she wasn’t in the room, either, because that’s weird behavior.” And you do that because you can’t believe she would do that but then years pass and you grow up and you’re like, oh no, she absolutely WOULD have done that.
Those girls are all Amandas - the kind who crave male attention and validation and who will go behind your back with the guy you’ve cried to her about + who is still stringing you along, and then when she gets caught, she’ll act like you’re being really mean because it’s not her fault that he likes her. And she didn’t mean to ever like him back, but it was just a thing that happened! And besides, the two of you aren’t even really going out anyway so technically they’re not doing anything wrong?? Like it’s not HER fault that he fell in love with her and chose her, it was just something that happened when neither of them expected it to and they never meant to hurt anybody, so why can’t you just grow up and stop being so selfish and instead just be happy for her and them?!
And listen - I’m not trying to be morally superior here. I am THE FIRST person to see the shades of grey when it comes to love, to understand that sometimes the heart just wants what the heart wants. I don’t clutch my pearls over movies and books about affairs (like seriously…is this a Gen Z thing that I just don’t get? The amount of “Oh, so this is a movie that rewards cheaters? NO THANKS” comments on movies like “A Love Like This” is wild to me. How are y’all this prudish in twenty-sixth year of the two thousandth century after Jesus was like, “gypsies, tramps and thieves? I call them friends.”) or protagonists who use questionable means to win someone over. I maybe even prefer unethical, we-could-lose-everything, against-all-odds, “maybe this is wrong, but I don’t wanna be right” romances, if we’re being really honest!
But when it comes to betraying a friend? And a friend like Ciara?! A friend who is Black and also confided in you and the rest of the group that she literally gets a ton of hate and backlash for letting a white guy make a fool of her on national television?? And then you, her white friend, also do that to her?
No. Guillotine. The End.
Anyway, I HIGHLY recommend trying to make your way through the entire series before the reunion airs (I think they’re filming the reunion at the end of this month). You need the first three seasons to really cement the lore and understand the evolution that cast members like Carl and Lindsay go through, AND to be able to reference the beginning stages of Kyle and Amanda’s relationship. Season 8 will be your payoff - it’s such a fun, dramatic season - and season 10 is also SO interesting on its own, even before we started to suspect that Amanda and West were probably hooking up as early as June (this is just a theory, but there’s strong evidence to support it, including a few scenes in the actual show).
Ashley & Jared 4Ever
Bravo is really hitting it out of the park lately…from an excellent season of Summer House to the outstanding Ladies of London reboot to The Real Housewives of Rhode Island(RHORI). Rhode Island is SO good - these women were literally born to be on TV, and it feels like early Jersey, in that they all have genuine, years-long shared history. While there are definitely secrets to be uncovered with this group (do a lil’ deep dive on Liz’s “friend” Dino because yiiiiiikes. I love her, though! Stay away from him, Liz!!!) only one of them seems fake, and her name is Ruella.
But we’re not here to talk about her! We’re here to talk about Bachelor Nation star turned Real Housewife, Ashley Iaconetti and her husband Jared Haibon!
As a Day 1 watcher of the Bachelor franchise, I was DELIGHTED when I saw that Ashley was going to be on RHORI. Much like how a man’s place is being silent and excluded from leadership positions, Ashley’s place is on TV.
But with her now being on RHORI (sidenote - it’s so hard not to write “RHODI”, because that looks and SOUNDS like an abbreviation for Rhode Island), we’re seeing a big resurgence of the old, tired, and false, “that girls was psycho” “he friend-zoned her” and “she finally broke him down” narrative per her and Jared.
I am an Ashley I & Jared Truther. Strap in and get ready to learn the real story, my friends!
Ashley I & Jared’s story:
They both notice each other on their respective Bach seasons (Ashley on Chris Soules’ season, Jared on Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season); both think each other is hot
BIP S2: Ashley came there for Jared; Jared came there for Jade. The first time Ashley sees Jared in person, she gets the weirdest feeling and it feels like deja vu/ love at first sight.
The BIP producers narrate their first date as him begrudgingly accepting her date card. Ashley is not his usual type but he immediately feels really comfortable with her and has a ton of fun on their date
He dumps her twice on that season of BIP. The relationship is too slow of a build for BIP and he also still has feelings for Kaitlyn
They get off BIP late June 2015; they slowly become friends over the summer
Ashley gets comfortable enough to ask Jared to take part in a golf charity event with other Bach contestants that she’s organizing back in her Virginia hometown. Because Jared isn’t the focal point of the weekend and Ashley is instead focused on the event, Jared gets to see her in her element - both as a boss heading up a huge charity event and in her comfort zone with her family. He starts to see her in a whole new light.
That new light? Wanting to DO HER. One night she’s dancing on the bar and he’s like, “I’m an idiot, she’s so ambitious and hardworking and sweet and sexy, wtf am I doing?!”
They continue to hang out all that fall, just as friends, but Ashley also receives sappy texts from Jared, and one time he even sends a dozen roses just to let her know how wonderful she was. A.k.a, HE LIKES HER.
They meet up for an event in Boston one weekend and end up straight up making out HARD. He also always extends his stays in LA to hang out with her more.
One night they go see Deadpool, then have dinner at a very romantic, candlelit place afterward, which makes it seem more like a date. Jared starts to get cold feet and Ashley clocks it immediately.
Jared starts to feel indecisive and confused and ultimately gives Ashley the “it’s better if we just stay friends rather than me live in the gray with one foot in and one foot out.” To his credit, he doesn’t want to lead her on and wants her to have the opportunity to see other people.
Ashley also becomes super confused, though, because Jared would say the above and then send her roses or make a BSB video for her bday, etc.
They go on BIP S3, both agreeing that they were there to see other people. Jared arrives and sticks to the plan; Ashley arrives and she does not.
Ashley has to endure Jared telling her point-blank - and on camera - that they are never going to be together. She also has to suffer through having mutuals declare that Jared is never going to like her (fuck you, Nick Viall) and that she’s just obsessed and infatuated and needs to get a grip on reality.
During BIP, they have a critical moment when Ashley and Jared are on one of the beds on the beach, and Jared’s trying to tell her that they’re never going to be together, and Ashley is like, “Look, you can’t even get up from this bed with me. We’ve been here for an hour and a half and you keep saying that you don’t want to be with me, but you also never want to leave. That’s how it is with us: You say you won't want to be with me but you can also never get yourself to not stay.” They’re like magnets, and the more Jared resists the pull towards Ashley, the harder it becomes for both of them.
Producers and editors of BIP S3 edit the show to make her look insane. YES, she’s an emotional person who cries a lot; YES, her belief that Jared and her were ultimately going to be together mainly came from a deep internal knowing that was hard to explain to other people. HOWEVER, both her AND Jared knew that he DID have feelings for her per everything that happened on the off-season, and so the edit that she was crazily obsessed with a guy who obviously didn’t like her was super unfair, especially since Jared never tries to set the record straight
Filming ends, the season airs, and they argue a lot about how Jared and the show portrays their situationship. This kicks off a year of “just friends”, but it’s a weird “just friends” - they both feel changed by BIP3.
Jared goes into a dark hole. He dates other girls but can only think about how much more fun he has with Ashley. He also feels shame about how much he pushed her away.
Ashley stops thinking of Jared as a marriage option, and notices that, even though he always stays with her when he comes to LA, Jared feels really withdrawn and almost angry and resentful when he’s around her. She feels like he no longer enjoys her company or even really likes being around her anymore. This makes her really sad (it’s makes me really sad, too 😢)
One day during this time, Jared flies home from LA and his mom picks him up at the airport. “Ya know, it’s never gonna get better than Ashley,” she tells him, and he’s like, “Thank you, Mom, I know” and has to force himself not to cry in that moment. All of his friends and family keep telling him that they’ve never seen him as happy as he was with Ashley, but he knows that if he crosses the friendship boundary with her, they can never ever go back.
Jared gets a call to do Winter Games but it doesn’t work out, and decides to do BIP in Australia instead because the money’s too good to turn down. It’s the first show outside of his Bach season that he does without Ashley, and he misses + wishes she was there the whole entire time.
Ashley does Winter Games and meets Kevin. Kevin falls for her and the show kicks off a romance between the two of them.
Jared hears rumors that Ashely has met someone on Winter Games and is immediately like, "You need to do something or you’re going to lose the best thing in your life.”
They’re both home on the East Coast for Christmas but barely talk, which makes them both super sad.
They go to St. Lucia with their best Bachelor friends. Jared knows it’s unfair to tell Ashley how he feels about her now that she’s with someone else, but Tanner tells him that it’s actually more unfair if he DOESN’T tell her; she deserves the opportunity to make up her own mind.
Jared tells Ashley that he has real feelings for her. Ashely is like, “That’s great, but I want to keep dating Kevin - who has pursued me hardcore and, unlike you, has always liked me - and see where this goes.” Jared is like, “I think you should do that, too, but just know that I’m not going anywhere.”
Time to leave St. Lucia - Ashley has an earlier flight than Jared. As she’s saying goodbye to everyone at the airport, the way she says goodbye to him just lets him instinctively know that they’re going to ultimately be together.
Ashley’s walking off and Jared’s like, “I should go kiss her” and it’s this apex moment where he realizes that for most of his life he would shell up and not do the things that he wanted to do or should do because he was afraid of the potential consequences of his actions, when what he really needed to be doing was just going for it and let the chips fall where they may.
He runs after her and kisses her before she boards her plane. It’s a great kiss, and Ashley is like, this is everything I’ve ever wanted, I’m literally in the middle of a RomCom like I always dreamed I would be, but I’m still going to keep seeing Kevin because he really likes me and I’m not just going to drop him because Jared is into me again.
Ashley continues to date Kevin; eventually things cool off between them.
Jared is elated, but also knows he needs to prove to Ashley that he can be the guy she’s always wanted
He does, they get engaged on BIP, and they have a fairy-tale wedding. The End!
TBH, I basically just gave you the Cliff Notes to this, which is 45 minutes long but also very cute and very worth it.
ALSO! In honor of Ashley I being back on our TV screens, I’ll be reposting my recaps of Chris Soules’ Bachelor season for the paid tier of this here Substack.
Upgrade your subscription below, why don’cha!
Recaps of which will include iconic, franchise-defining moments like this one:
I’ll also probably do Kaitlyn’s season after that, but just be aware that I was not kind to Jared in those recaps. I actually didn’t like Jared until this one time on Twitter years ago where he tweeted about liking some song and I was like, “You would” and he sort of bit back at me, which honestly deepened my respect for him. And then after that I also listened to a bunch of podcasts and stuff with him and Ashley and found him to be smart, insightful, and really likable, so. It will be tough for me to not want to rewrite history. Especially because now I go HARD for Ashley and Jared in the RHORI comments. I love those crazy kids!
I also took in the Laguna Beach Reunion Special this weekend -
Even though I was in my mid-twenties when Laguna Beach came out, I still loved that show and consider it, The Hills, and The City to be a formative part of my (adult) development. I was also extra excited because Casey Wilson hosted the reunion (I’m an OG, committed member of Garbage World). Casey was an amazing host (literally made me laugh out loud at least a dozen times), and the reunion was…good. It was fun! It was enjoyable and pleasant. Which on its face sounds kind of boring, but it’s actually what I want most reality show reunions to feel like, y’know? I wanna feel like there’s been some moments of looking inward, some growth, some “what you didn’t know about that time in my life was…”. I want reunions to feel like Vh1’s Behind the Music, ya dig?
However - I AM bummed that this was really only a “Laguna Beach: Season 1 OGs” type reunion. It would have been fun to have done a P2 and P3 with the subsequent seasons’ respective casts, too. I also heard some dish that was cut out in editing, including that Christina tried to do some Jesus preachin’ when it came to antidepressants and got shot right down with that mess; and that, privately and behind the scenes, cast members and producers were pretty open that Lo had been kind of a mean girl the entire time (and apparently that hasn’t changed about her).
Don’t get me in my “Lo was always a low-key bitch” zone, because I simply do not have time for that today!!
Anyway - that’s all I’ve got for this Weekend (post) Coffee!
J/K - was just wrapping up when this dropped, so I will now be ignoring the current political and international hellscape in favor of two identical blondes warring openly online!
Also this week I’ll be sending out a very special (to me) True Story chapter, as well as catching up on some MomTok posts I’ve promised paid subscribers. I think I’ll also start sending out those Bach recaps on Sunday morning so that you’re primed for Ashley and RHORI when it airs that evening, but TBD! That feels like a lot of posts smushed together…but maybe you like that? Maybe instead of “Saturday is for the boys” you’re like “The entire week is for Amber!”? I mean, we obviously need to workshop that, but. Like your girl here, it’s got legs!
Anyway, BYE!
-Amber